Dear University of Massachusetts–Amherst (UMass):
We here at PETA heard you’re looking for ideas for a new brand identity symbol, since your current school seal is, well, problematic, with its racist implications and all. Depicting a Native American on a shield below an arm wielding a Colonial sword, as you have since World War II, isn’t exactly a great look. So we agree that this is a worthy and, frankly, long-overdue endeavor.
A school seal should reflect the values of the institution it represents by highlighting its history and showing pride in its accomplishments. It must be easily understood by the widest possible audience and quickly convey everything the institution is and stands for. According to UMass spokesman Ed Blaguzewski, “A seal of a university is a visual expression of its essence and values. We’re excited about doing this.”
We were, too. So, being helpful sorts, we turned our enthusiasm into artwork and designed you a new seal that more accurately reflects the history and values that UMass has cherished for so long:
For decades UMass has aided and abetted animal experimenters such as Agnès Lacreuse, who torments marmosets (like the terrified individual depicted in the seal) in bogus menopause experiments. And because of the university’s continuing support of Lacreuse and her backward approach to science in the face of enormous public opposition, we can only conclude that tormenting and killing these gentle, sensitive beings is a source of great pride for the university and should be ensconced in its most recognizable icon.
Major celebrities, including Casey Affleck, Daisy Ridley, and Lily Tomlin, have beseeched UMass to shut down Lacreuse’s shop of horrors, where she drills into marmosets’ skulls, cuts open their necks to expose muscle, and threads electrode leads from the scalp and neck to the abdomen, but UMass has held fast in its support of her pointless cruelty. That’s real pride.
Lacreuse cuts out captive marmosets’ ovaries, administers hormone-manipulating drugs, and heats the animals with hand warmers—like those put inside mittens—in order to mimic human menopausal hot flashes, because marmosets don’t experience menopause. UMass is right behind Lacreuse as she collects more than $4 million in taxpayer money to continue this vile farce.
As long as UMass continues to support the senseless and barbaric torment of marmosets by Lacreuse and her lackeys in these scientifically preposterous experiments, we urge you to let the world know about it: Own your bloody legacy, slap our seal design proudly on all your stationery, and emblazon it on your overpriced sweatshirts! As long as UMass employs Lacreuse, this seal will be, without question, the visual expression of your essence and values.
What Kind People Can Do
Subjecting marmosets to fake hot flashes won’t ever shed light on a human condition that the animals themselves don’t experience. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. Please take a minute and join more than 115,000 PETA supporters in calling on UMass to shut down Lacreuse’s laboratory.